Painful issues...

...at the back of the cave, deep in the dark.
Another reason for being here on the web...on the off chance that someone stumbles across this space and has been abused as a child: http://www.ekklesia.com/abuse/whyguys.htm

If you were abused as a child by an adult, try giving voice to the experience even if it feels like a series of crazy, fractured images or bad dreams. There really is "more room on the outside than on the inside." Telling someone is the first step in becoming a survivor and moving away from victimization. To admit that you were abused may feel ugly on the one hand, butit becomes very necessary on the other. If you finally realize that something awful happened to you, what good does it do to hide from the truth? Lying to yourself hurts no one but yourself, and the one(s) who victimized you hurt you badly enough. Why continue the cycle of pain?

Even the Greeks had myths about abuse. The tales they told were filled with violence, guilt, gnorance, and freedom bought at great price. The photo is of two panels of my Oedipus Triptych. Jocasta is on the left and Apollo is on the right.

A Man and his Mask-- Another large painting I have kept with me is the Oedipus Triptych. The piece began as a design study in preparation for a production of the classical Greek tragedy. The director could not find a single translation that completely engaged him; the final production script was a compilation drawn from at least five sources. As disconcerting as this might seem, I chose to take an eclectic approach to the visual and auditory environment. The director wanted to bring home the timelessness of the themes. Following the production, I was so enamored of the collage that had started my creative "juices" flowing I decided to cut the panel apart and use the resulting pieces as a "sketch" for an art work. I had some triangular panels that I'd been wanting to use for a work but the right inspiration had not come along. The idea that Oedipus was caught between heavenb and hell--Apollo and Jocasta--seemed to lend itself to the use of these triangular pieces. The photo at left shows the detail of the central panel, Oedipus as a public figure bearing the mask of his office and assumed identity. I like to talk to my students in the introductory theatre class about "why" and "how" each of us wear masks and assume roles in our day to day lives.

I arrived at posting this painting after the request of a former student who visited this blog. I always find it strange when people remember my work and I wonder, "Why? Why that particular piece or particular production?" If I could answer the questions then I'd be a mind-reader, wouldn't I? I used to spin my wheels attempting to anticipate the reactions of others and wasting my hours second-guessing their wishes and motivations. Call it the "people-pleaser" in me. As I've gotten older, the inclination to please others at my expense has faded as an impulse. I should be thankful for that, shouldn't I? Oh, I understand the "why" of people-pleasing only too well. Patterns are learned early in childhood. I'll explore the learning of my patterns in the coming weeks. It's an adventure I've taken before. Perhaps the time has come again, but now to explore a bit more deeply. The oddity of the blog phenomenon is the entries will read in reverse: the beginning will be archived at the end. The mask comes off in steps.

Creation

Adam and Eve: I've carried around this large painting since I was an assistant professor at Vanderbilt. I believe I've exhibited it three times and each time I couldn't resist tweaking it with a paint brush. I know that Genesis reports that God looked on His creation and said "That's good" and then rested. His creatures aren't like that, are they? We keep having to go back and tinker. Perfection will always escape us but that knowledge doesn't stop us from going back, does it? I'm one of those that doesn't seem to "leave well enough alone" believing that "the good is often the enemy of the best." I so enjoy laying paint to canvas. I need to make more time to do what I love. Don't we all?

I give thanks for the holidays. My son is at home and we use the time together to dive into the shop and build things. There is great truth to Robert Bly's observation that sons and fathers benefit by working along side one another. There's learning and communion. I find it restorative and our time together has become a necessary component in my creative life. It won't be long now until he fully fledges the nest so I have to take advantage of every moment available to me.

God thoughts

Ecce Homo is a theme to which I have returned. The notion of the sacrifice of one for the sins of many moves me deeply. I have come to identify with Christ although I am hesitant to call myself a Christian. That title carries so much baggage for me. To take it on would seem to me to carry the notion that I must condemn others, that I must acknowledge that those who die outside the knowledge of HIM are condemned through their ignorance to eternal damnation. The same would apply to those who reject Christ. I cannot nor will not accept that for I do believe in a Higher Power who operates in ways that I cannot understand. Condemnation is something I understand well so I do not attribute that characteristic to the god of my belief and understanding. I believe that God cares so very much for all of his/her creation that even the monsters of humanity will be saved. I am sure that there are those who would love to present me with chapter and verse. My response can only be "I know what I know in my heart." Why--I have to ask--would those who believe in God's unconditional love believe that there will be those who will suffer in a "lake of fire"? Is there really any comfort in that image? If I have to go there as a Christian, then I must go elsewhere.
Look on the image of Christ who suffered and gave up all for us. Did He do this for us so things would continue to be the same? So that condemnation, vengence, rejection, segregation, and all the painful actions of which men are capable are affirmed as the characteristics of the Creator? Then WHY BOTHER ?